A new Holmes Fic

[dreamwaffles]

So I was doing my physics homework, and suddenly something went 'click' in my brain, I took out my writing notebook, and scribbled down the following.  It's a bit cracky and weird, but I am fond of it.  I'll probably crosspost it at cox_and_co at some point.  In the meantime, enjoy!

Title: A Sonata in Dialogue

Rating: PG

Summary: Mycroft does what he can, but being a stubborn younger brother, Sherlock has to prove him wrong.  Set post-Hiatus.

Cast: Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock Holmes, Dr. John Watson, Mrs. Martha Hudson, and Monsieur Levin, the French, OC valet of Mycroft Holmes.

Warnings: Mild slash, very strange, cracky format.

Notes: I wrote this in about 45 minutes when I was supposed to be preparing my lab notebook.  I have no idea why it is entirely dialogue.  Nor do I have any idea why I named the parts after sonata movements.  Hopefully it works and comes off as whimsical, rather than lame.  Enjoy!

 

Allegro: In Which Sherlock Holmes Gets Extremely Drunk, and Hatches a Plan

 

“Sherlock, if you weren’t drunk I would not say this, but as it is, I think you need a reminder.  The plan you have outlined to me, what there is of it, is a spectacularly bad idea.”

“Mycroft, I am most certainly not drunk, and I defy you to give me three reasons why this won’t work.”

“Brother, I beg to differ.  An examination of your left sleeve tells me you made a night of it, and I can only hope you brought your own tankard to that distressingly filthy drinking hole.  Additionally, you are swaying slightly, your eyes are bloodshot, and, not least, you reek of spirits.  Sherlock, you are the drunkest I have seen you since you were twenty-three years old.”

“Very well, Mycroft-I may be drunk, but give me three good reasons why I shouldn’t go back to Baker Street and tell John Watson I am hopelessly in love with him.”

“If you insist, then-“

“I do.”

“Three reasons, Sherlock.  Firstly, as I mentioned before, you reek of liquor.  The good doctor is extremely unlikely to take anything you say or do seriously.  Secondly, in the unlikely event he does take you seriously, you have no idea how he will react.  And thirdly, I am certain you know that relations such as you seem set on having are illegal.”

“Since when have I adhered to any law that didn’t suit me, Mycroft?”

“It is times like these, Sherlock, that I am very forcefully reminded that you are my younger brother.”

“Don’t change the subject, Mycroft!  I admit your first point is a compelling one, but I have never heard a worse load of tosh than that sentence which followed your statement of ‘secondly’.”

“Haven’t you?”

“Never!  My Watson is true and loyal, and if you doubt he loves me, you-you-“

“Sherlock?”

“Blast.”

“Did you ring, sir?”

“Ah, thank you, Levin.  My brother is in a most disgraceful state, as you can see, so if you would kindly return him to 221B Baker Street, I would be in your debt.”

“Certainly, sir.”

 

“Pardon me, but is there a Dr. John Watson on the premises, madame?  I was told to deliver this gentleman into his care.”

“Oh, were you.  Do come in, sir; I’ll go fetch him.”

“No need, Mrs. Hudson, I heard my name-good heavens, is that Holmes?”

“The gentleman I am carrying does bear that name, sir.”

“Good lord.  Ah-Mrs. Hudson, I am dreadfully sorry, but I’ll need a pot of tea-I’ll take him upstairs.  Thank you for your trouble, Mr…”

“Levin, sir.  I work for Mr. Holmes.”

“Mr-oh, Mycroft Holmes!  Thank you, Mr. Levin, I will take Holmes from here.”

“It was no trouble, sir.  I’ll show myself out.”

 

Adagio: In Which Holmes Awakens From a Drunken Stupor

 

“Ungh.”

“Holmes, are you awake?”

“Unfortunately, yes.  Is there water?”

“Right here, Holmes.  What were you thinking?”

“Watson, I must confess that for the first time in decades, I wasn’t.  I must further say that-oh Lord.  Is there a basin about?”

“Here, Holmes.  Here.  Tell me later.  I have no doubt you are suffering a terrible head.”

“Thank you, Watson-“

“Don’t talk, Holmes.  Just wait it out.”

 

“Is Mr. Holmes awake, Doctor?”

“He is now, Mrs. Hudson.  Would you kindly bring up some more tea and a light breakfast?”

“Certainly, Doctor.”

 

“Holmes, you’ve upset our esteemed landlady.”

“So I gathered.”

“Are you any better?”

“Not really.  Must I eat?”

“Yes, Holmes.  I insist.”

 

Minuet: In Which Holmes and Watson Have a Long Conversation, With Occasional Interludes From Mrs. Hudson

 

“It’s about time, Mr. Holmes.”

“My apologies, Mrs. Hudson, I only just dressed.”

“Your tea, Mr. Holmes.  I will return with the scones presently.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Hudso-ah.”

“I’m not surprised your head still hurts.”

“She had no call to shut the door that loudly, Watson.”

“Perhaps not.”

“Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, thank you, Holmes.”

“Two sugars and some cream, Watson.”

“Ah, thank you, Holmes.  Is something bothering you?”

“All these years and you still surprise me.  You grow more astute by the day, Watson.”

“Holmes, you didn’t answer my question.”

“So it would seem-oh.  Good afternoon, Mrs. Hudson.”

“Good evening, Doctor Watson.  Mr. Holmes.”

“If I’m not mistaken, she is still rather irate.”

“I am willing to swear she is closing that door out of spite.”

“You would be right, Holmes.  Mrs. Hudson disapproves of drunkenness, and you have known this for years-you have only yourself to blame.”

“I suppose so.”

“My advice is to apologize tomorrow, when you’re fully sober and she’s had a chance for her temper to cool.”

“She seems hardly inclined to listen.”

“She will later, Holmes.  Trust me.”

“You are the one with the knowledge of the fairer sex, Watson-I suppose I shall take that advice.”

“If you had ever been married, Holmes, you would understand.”

“It’s just as well I never was.  I have no wish to understand the abstruse workings of the female mind.”

“At last, a mystery even the great Sherlock Holmes admits beyond his powers.”

“Watson.”

“You must admit, it is amusing, Holmes.  I have never known you to turn away from a puzzle before.”

“There are some puzzles too arcane for even I to attempt.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.”

“Watson?”

“Yes, Holmes?”

“Holmes, what are you doing?”

“Watson, it recently came to my attention that I am rather desperately in love with you.”

“I beg your pardon, Holmes?”

“Holmes?”

“Mmph.”

 

Rondo: An Epilogue

 

“Holmes, it really was most irregular for your brother to drop in for tea.  I have never known him to do such a thing in all our years.  And what on earth did you mean by, ‘I was right’?”

“Nothing terribly interesting, Watson.  Merely a younger brother’s wish to outdo the elder.  May I draw your attention to the fact that you have a smudge of jam on the corner of your mouth?”

“Do I?  Is it still there?”

“That was the wrong side, my Watson.  If you will allow me?”

“Do what you will, Holmes.”

“Tread carefully, Watson-I might interpret that as an offer.”

“My dear Holmes, do you really think it is anything else?”

 

Fin

 

I do hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing this.  (And is it me, or does Levin bear a peculiar resemblance to Jeeves?)  Thanks for taking the time to read it!